I went to my friends house last Sunday. She has a really nicely decorated house, the type you wish you knew how to design yourself. There is a wall of mirrors in front of you right when you walk in, and a carefully coordinated living room in shades of blues and greys on the opposite side of that wall. But last Sunday, when I walked in expecting the warmth her house usually gives me, I was met instead by white wall with black sticky lines running across it, a half shattered mirror and green tape holding up a half crumpled paper that read, “be kind, we are all a work in progress.”
This friend is not one of my therapisty type friends so I was even more surprised by her ability to catch so poignantly the beauty of the bare wall, and it’s ability to transmit such a strong message.
We Are All A Work In Progress
Now, read that statement again and ask yourself, is that how I think of myself, do I believe I am a work in progress?
How many people look at themselves with the acceptance and mindset that they are a work in progress, able to change and develop, just not there yet?
A person that is allowed to make mistakes, allowed to not know, allowed to need help, allowed to fall apart. Allowed to not be perfect.
This sign in front of me, the broken mirrored wall, was telling this story - we are in the middle of a journey. Integrating this consciousness allows us to live in a world where we know we can work towards change and growth down the road, but at the same time, we can also feel comfortable with where we are now. We can be a peace with the place we are in today. That is also okay.
A Growth Mindset
Carol Dweck, an American psychologist known for her work on motivation and mindset, highlights two dominant mindsets that categorizes a persons motivation, a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset describes a belief that individuals have a given set of traits that remain static throughout their lives. For example, if you struggle to deescalate your anxiety if it feels like anxious thoughts around your safety or success plague you, you may think “I’m just an anxious mess, I try so hard to breathe and distract myself but I just can’t do it.” That is a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset focuses on the outcome, ‘’my anxiety still exists’’.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, focuses on the process of change, personal development, and small shifts, ‘’I am working hard to challenge my anxiety, I was able to use that relaxation tool when I noticed myself getting anxious this morning, I am making changes day by day".
Research done by Dweck and colleagues, has demonstrated that individuals that make this shift to a growth mindset, compared to those with a fixed mindset, do better in areas such as reduced burnout, increased motivation and better performance outcomes, and a reduction in stress and anxiety. All super beneficial and important for our overall mental health.
Self Compassion
My friend decided that her fallen mirrors were going to be a lesson, an opportunity for a reminder to access self compassion. A point where we can look and see those mirrors on the floor, see the black goop on the wall, and say, “you know what, at some point I would like to fix my wall. It’s going to take time, and energy, and I am going to work on it a bit everyday.”
This made me think of working on our mental health, which is why I wanted to share this with you.
Working on and challenging our anxiety can feel overwhelming, it can feel draining, and at times like spinning your wheels.
But we get to choose. Am I going to walk into my day, facing all this challenge and decide, “You know what, I just can’t handle it.” “It's beyond me.” “It’s too much.” or do we make a small shift to our mind set and say, “I can’t handle it yet.” “It feels beyond me right now.” “It’s too much at this moment.”
When we add those few words, we move from a fixed to a growth mindset. From seeing the world as it is and our traits and challenges as finite, towards a world where we see possibility and ability for change within the challenges we are facing.
Its not easy, but we start small, we shift one word, one action, one moment. For today, that is enough and the rest is not my job yet. I have time to do it. I’ll work step by step. I’ll break it down. I don’t need to tackle the whole thing at once. I can zoom in to the part I am working on right now and know it is part of a bigger project. I can work a little each day to make the situation a bit better, piece by piece.
Learn more about how anxiety therapy can help your growth or get in touch with us below to get started!
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