Understanding Teen Anxiety: A Parent’s Guide to the Back-to-School Transition

The weeks leading up to a new school year can bring anxiety for many teens. For some teens the stress is apparent as they share their many worries openly, saying things like, “What if I can’t keep up with the work?” or “No one’s going to talk to me at lunch.” They might express fears about making friends, feeling left out of friend groups or having trouble dealing with certain teachers. For other teens, the anxiety is less visible but still persistent. They may have trouble sleeping, be more irritable, cry more easily, struggle to focus or seem restless and on edge.

This quieter version of anxiety may be harder to spot, as on their own any one of these behaviors can look like the typical teen in the moment but when added together, may point to an underlying school anxiety under the surface.

How Anxiety Can Show Up in Teens

Some day to day ways this may show up are:

• Getting unusually upset or overwhelmed during school shopping.

• Fixating on how they look in new school clothes, like being convinced a pair of pants “looks weird” or “feels wrong.”

• Becoming overly focused on what they’ll wear for the first day of school, changing their mind repeatedly or seeking constant reassurance.

• Seeming tense or irritable when you bring up school-related topics.

• Asking the same “what if” questions about school over and over.

• Having trouble settling down at night after a day of school prep.

  
  

It’s easy to brush these moments off as “they’re just being picky” or “these are normal nerves,” but when you see a pattern, it can be a sign that your child’s nervous system is actually working overtime.

Solving the Issue Won’t Always Bring Relief To Anxiety

When our kids are struggling, our instinct as parents is to fix it. We want them to feel better fast. That’s why the first words out of our mouths are often, “It’s going to be fine’’ and ‘’Of course that won’t happen’’. We spend lots of time, trying to convince them that they do look good in those jeans and that they did great in Math last year, so they’ll be fine. The challenge is that when anxiety is behind your teenager’s worries, the logical solution is not what they need. Their brains actually can’t even process that information until the fear of their emotional brain is addressed. Your teen is overwhelmed by the possibilities more than the specific events:

• What if I fail this class?

• What if my friends have changed?

• What if the teacher calls on me and I don’t know the answer?

  
  

This constant “what if” loop keeps their nervous system on high alert and prevents their logical brain from supporting them the way they need. That’s where you as a parent come in.

How Fight or Flight Mode Shows up in Teens

From a brain science perspective, anxiety is the body’s way of protecting us. Our body senses danger and it responds with releasing hormones in our body to jump start our sympathetic nervous system and send us into fight or flight mode. This then acts, or tries to protect us from danger or perceived danger. For teens, whose rational thinking skills are still developing, it’s much harder to override that “fight, flight, or freeze” reaction with reason.

When your teen’s stress mode is activated, they may:

• Avoid school or certain activities (flight)

• Lash out over small things (fight)

• Shut down completely (freeze)

  
  

Even if the danger isn’t real, it feels real to them. As a parent however you are able to provide them with perspective, with safety and with co-regulation (support in regulating their own emotions)

How Your Response To Your Teen Can Effect Anxiety

Teens take emotional cues from the adults around them. Research shows that even infants gauge safety based on a caregiver’s expression. If a parent remains calm, even if there are stressed and anxious their parents demeanor will actually allow them to get out of fight or flight mode and back into a base of calm more easily and more smoothly.

When your teen is anxious, your tone, body language, and overall presence can help them decide: Is this situation actually unsafe, or is my brain just telling me it is?

That’s why it’s important to check in with yourself first and regulate your own worries first. Your teen can only “borrow” your calm if you have it to give.

Normalizing the Back-to-School Jitters

Aside from being calm and regulating your own worries when talking to your teen, normalizing some of what they are feeling is another way in which you can help your teen regulate their anxiety. The start of a new school year is a huge shift in routine, expectations, and social dynamics. Remind your teen that feeling anxious about this isn’t a flaw it’s a normal human reaction to change.

To normalize their feelings try:

• Acknowledging their experience (“It sounds like you’re worried about the first day that makes sense.”)

• Letting them know they’re not alone (“Lots of students feel nervous about new teachers or classes.”)

• Reminding them that anxiety is a signal, not a verdict (“Your brain is just on alert right now. It doesn’t mean something bad will happen.”)

  
  

If your teen’s back-to-school anxiety feels overwhelming or you’re unsure how to help, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Back-to-school can be a tough season, but with the right support, your teen can feel calmer, more confident and ready to face the new school year.

At Creating Connections, we offer counselling for anxiety for teens and parenting support for teen anxiety, providing you with tools, understanding, and a safe space for you and your teenage child to navigate the challenges anxiety brings.

Contact us to book a free consultation and to learn more about how we can support you and your teen through this transition.