Coping after a loss or even before the loss has occurred, but the grieving has already begun, is a constant flood of overcoming loneliness, sadness, anxiety, guilt, and a whole slew of other emotions. But you do not have to do it alone.
Perceptions of support
“If you need help just say ‘please help me, Mommy’”.
Did you hear this as a kid as many times as I say this to my toddler?
When I used to work as a teacher, I would similarly say, “If you need help, please ask me, then I know what you need.”
The messaging is everywhere when we are children, ask for help, asking for help is good, support is a good thing. Yet then we become adults and a funny thing happens. All of a sudden asking for help becomes a sign of weakness. We are left struggling to recognize when we need support and even when we know we need that support, we don’t ask for it.
A Strength or a Weakness?
In the adult world, asking for help, unfortunately, has a bad reputation. It is deemed to be a sign of weakness, that you are lacking in some way or shouldn’t need what you do.
The truth however is really quite the opposite. Just like the message we give our children, asking for support is a positive thing. It requires incredible strength to reach out to others and say can you help me. Many of us don’t like being vulnerable it can be uncomfortable and even scary. And it absolutely is a challenge. But it is also incredibly worth it. The more you share and show your vulnerability, the more you allow other people to do the same.
The more closeness and connections you breed, the less alone you feel. Where’s the weakness in that?
Removing the mask.
Imagine admitting to someone close to you that are having a hard time and need help. How do you think they would react? When we let our guard down and ask for help, it a sign of closeness. Saying, “I’m having a hard time, I need your support. Can you help me?” is a sign of connection and trust. You are reaching out, because you trust them, because you know they will do their best to be there for you. This vulnerable act of taking off your “I can do it” mask gives others the opportunity to come close to you. Taking off the mask can be scary, it requires strength, not weakness, to do so.
We Don’t Live on an Island
Let’s think about it logically. Unfortunately, no one has endless reserves of emotional or physical energy; no one can keep going forever. We are not meant to be as though we are living on a deserted island, managing to do everything on our own. Connection is woven into the fabric of our communities and is even one of our basic needs. If we continue to try and push through it alone, we will wear ourselves out. Is taking care of yourself a sign of weakness? The contrary it demonstrates your value and worth.
Practically Speaking
So how do I do it? How do I know when I need support when I should turn to a friend or a family member to talk about how I'm feeling. Or when I should ask my neighbor is they can help me with my lawn care? Or call my sister to take her up on the offer she gave to make me some suppers. Start by introspecting, ask yourself, “When do I need help?”. How do I know I am getting overwhelmed? What tells me I am not doing well? How do I notice that I am struggling?
Those are the when’s. The ‘who’ think about who you want to share your trust with, who you can show your strength to and will appreciate that closeness with you. And the why? Cause you're worth it.. Because there are family and friends out there that really want to be there for you and are just waiting for you to share with them how they can be a support for you during this challenging time.
You don’t need to do this alone. If you're looking for support contact us below to get started or learn more about how grief counselling can help.
Comments